REturNing of TearS

Free Bird

A known relative has a problem in Pituitary Gland due to which doctors said that she will have a problem of permanent memory loss. She is one of my dearest one without which I have no identity. I started discussing with the doctor how to classify the effect of the disease. After listening my two suggestions, the calm and cool doctor said ‘yes!’ immediately on my third suggestion. This was ‘classifying the pattern according to the symptoms exerted by each fragment of the body’. The third suggestion took place somewhere in the forest. The doctor was standing but laying his body weight over a rock on his back beside a narrow walking pathway in the open forest. The upside was also covered with the scattered rocks and there were scattered trees of different height, mainly tall. The doctor started giving details of the top part of the body (from head to neck). I was listening carefully. I do not remember now what exactly he said about the symptoms. But for me everything was seemingly amazing and fantastic. Meanwhile he greeted to one of his senior doctor who was on the way to jog. The senior doctor asked for a dog to him which he wanted to have for his house. In return, the junior doctor referred to me that I have a dog. I told the senior doctor that the dog, actually doggy is very dangerous. Sometime she is dangerous even for us, does not bare from biting. After hearing the doctor shown no interest in taking her.

Suddenly, I came in to another place where I met two people who have temporary memory loss problem. The two, one male and the other female, were strangers for me as they were for themselves. They were average in looks and must be in late 30s or early 40s. I don’t remember exactly how they came to know each other. Probably, two duo were returning from the same clinic where they saw each other and now met at a cross over. They did not mention their memory loss problem in the beginning. Only after some formal introduction, discussion and initial comfort they surprisingly came to know about the memory loss they retain. It was probably they saw each other in the clinic where they went to meet the doctor but thought that neither of them are the patient. The two has to go in different directions – East and West. The woman wanted to go Eastward which was somewhere near a mansion. I could remember even now its vast entrance and stairs. And the man wanted to go westward which was going somewhere marked with big streets and big buildings like mansions. The motor vehicles were passing on the background. But the area was really wide open covered with big and wide streets with no crowds. The duo started discussing how they can help each other. The woman said she is going to meet his ex-boyfriend with whom she want to cherish the moments she had once…Probably she wanted some one she was close and with whom can share her pain. The man who introduced with his name to the woman which I do not remember said he has adopted this name as a veil. He was in formal wears with shirt and tight pants as one could see in 60-70s movies. He said his real name is different. He adopted this false identity so that he can not be identified in public as a patient of memory loss. He wanted a dignified life. The person whose name he has adopted for public use exist no more. Probably there was one more interesting thing he said about him which I do not remember any more. My mind is repeatedly forcing me to write here that he has 3 children also, but I am not sure about this, though I am writing to avoid my own doubts.

Both of them decided that after certain time period they will look for each other at the same place whether they return correctly. If one lose his/her memory and the other still retained or returned in his/her memory, then he/she will go in to the respective direction in search the other. They looked in each other eyes. The memory is still afresh in my mind about their gazing eyes. I could remember the developing sympathy and affection towards each other. They started departing with each other in lost memory. I was thinking what if both lose the memory and get mislead from their usual path while standing still.

Slowly my awareness was returning and I was realizing that everything was a dream and decided to tip-tip it up otherwise I will forget it sooner or later. To me it looks that a person always look for their own society or comfort zone, their territorial mirrors and when they find it, then feel glad and satisfied in their search, perhaps. I am unsure whether the search is over or it goes on continuously and unconditionally. I could realize now the very my pain but want to avoid. GOD give me strengths. Oh yes, forget not to mention here that yesterday while worshiping after taking bath during one O’clock in the night I met one of my Master. I had his blessings. Thanks and many regards to you Master for your kindness!

Have a very Good Day to Everyone.

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Game within Games


“hallo …, are you busy?” On my reply over my mobile phone “I am at home, Not really! Why? What happened?” My colleague asked me in plea “I want to play table tennis today, please company me”. Although, I didn’t liked the idea but decided to join in order to make him happy and told him to come down in 15 minutes. And in this way, Today, I went to play table tennis in the open court near service point.

Already, there three guys including two girls and one boy occupied single only table. The girls were in short jeans with top covering up to the breast only and boy was wearing typical jeans-T-shirt. The girls were healthy (Ya! a bit fleshy and overweight). With their talk, I could only guess that they were either Russian or somewhere from Eastern Europe.

After our few double play together with two girls, we realized that they were so-so in the game (compared to me). One of the less fetish girl but with better body shape proposed her will to play singles and the rule that the winning person will continue the consecutive game with the next player. I started first with my colleague, beat him, then the other fat girl too, then came she to play. In the warm-up shots, I realized that she can play good in fast shots which I tried to continue in the game. After her few initial point loss, she realized that she is gonna out too. Here she entered in another game. She started adjusting her top, more frequently. I got a bit distracted for a while but sooner realized her need. I continued the game trying to cooperate in her typical fast game which I enjoyed without forcing my own game. Coincidentally, I gradually started backing in points. But bothered not to play hard shots to gain more points. I focused on to let her play while trying to cooperate her in those shots. I tried not to win, and let her to play the game she was doing with adjusting her top with more than usual. In my words, I knew that she wanted to win at any cost. And the costly thing she chosen on that occasion was her top. I thought the win will give her happiness, a pride to her top and will put her on for the day. I gradually lost the game. Apparently, I could see her inner smile and satisfaction. I guess that I won over my will and she carried her.

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thE underCover goDs – I

thE underCover goDs – I


No doubt, parents are the persistent, living and well established form of GOD. Besides, there exist, time-to-time, a very different but highly distinct class of GOD. I classify them as ‘Undercover GOD’. I am fortunate to have one in my life.

Don’t remember the date, but the day was a second half of1990. I was preparing for medical entrance. My family’s economic condition was very weak. I could not dream to buy good books. But I always wished to read good ones, which mostly were of foreign origin. I didn’t took admission in Bachelor’s for entrance test preparation. Its a different story that I never succeeded even after two years of deep study of only interested materials from the whole syllabus. I was under stress to find an alternative place which can cater my need of books without incurring any cost. My elder brother was studying Bachelor’s in one of the prestigious university which was hardly a km. away north of our house. I asked my brother to have his university identity card as a entry pass to study in the university library, which he hesitatingly approved. I was happy than ever. Although, I knew it was a cheating, but it was the best option to fulfill the dire need of the moment. Someone has said that poverty is the leading cause of all the crime. And it was very true in my case.

The main problem was his photo on the I-card, which security persons use to check for the candidature’s identity. For some months, I was successful in duping the security persons by simply writing the name with signature of my brother in library’s entry register and on the book issuing desk which I use to borough for study inside the library.

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love without lust

Always Smile

Encountered an old couple, no a charming old couple in their 60s, during local train journey in Spain. They were sitting diagonal front of the right row to me. In a first glance my heart said they love and care each other immensely. The man was having more age affected physical problems in talking and movement. The lady, can’t confirm whether she was his wife, an old girl friend, life partner or someone else, was, indeed, loving, beautiful, charming and caring. She was strong and the heart of her man and vice-verse. Probably, due to the physical problems, the man could not speak as the lady was (they are Godly talented!). We were in a short journey together, approximately, of 10-15 minutes, but the impression is still afresh. The stoppage nearly arrived, the man started walking towards the exit of the train. His lady love has a short conversation with him, probably about his care and safety. There was always a lovely smile of her glowing but emotional and childish face while half spoken and half unspoken conversation. Her eyes were strong messenger for the man. She was holding his hand while talking, while the man was really cool. This was not superficial, but a reflection of the true and deep love towards each other. While he was about to leave, she faced up the her dark colored sunglasses, muted her right eye towards the man with her smile on her face – the moment perfect for any normal man to remain always smiling and feel the everlasting joy. I said myself, hey zero, you are the witness and recipient of  God and His grace.

With Love!

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Love vs. Meditation

Realization is at least better late than never. Yes, I am not aware of realizing whether I have ever been in Love or under meditation. But came to realize slowly that both enter without knowing, without realizing. Both are a state and when this state passed, then a person name it, try to define and describe it. The wise ones say I was in.. or I was under.., but the sufferers claim they are in.. or they do..
The essence is whether being with or not to be being with but succumb not to follow the path of expression, rather stick to self-expression, self disposition and self compassion.

thy love,

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Do It Anyway

Do It Anyway

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Japan – opportunities in disaster


No doubt! The disaster in its various forms has severally hit the shores of Japan in the past and still aggressive, in particular, the nuclear one. The history reveal that the Japanese are not only warriors but survivors too, despite many such natural and manmade calamities.

However, as an individual, at present with my limited capacity, I can only contribute my condolence in full and donate few hundred Euros, in part. But this is for sure that I can’t feel the nerves of the people residing there just while reading and watching through the eyes of the media. The media gurus have done marvelous job in the past and I firmly believe that they will continue to do so unhesitatingly in the future too, seeing the big need of the society [and their own?].

In an emotional journey to feel some relief through the optional ‘tax free’ money donation , I found a list of agencies with an appeal to donate the money for the cause concerned with the alarming worries displayed not only on their websites but elsewhere too.

After a careful reading I found that most of them are in the appealing phase only. I can understand the emergency call of these organizations as they need to pile up the money first in order to support their high-level mitigation plans later. In addition, global network of spam mails also stand on high alert to remind us their strength and united support in such an occasion with their blueprint ideas.

I wish the Japanese were the last to face the Tsumani-driven disaster and some of the intelligent groups of analyst were left alone with their ‘Supermoon’ relating theories. No matter how much money in billions of dollars is lost by Japan stocks, but the disaster has brought many employment benefits in various segment, notingly for the climatologists. I feel pity my dear ‘J-friends’ not on you but on opportunistic.

Last but not least, its worthy to note that I am unable to draw any intelligent conclusion(s) [seems too early] but will fight for it leaving alone the readers to perform on their own.

Many Greetings,

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